Nydia

Nydia

Oral history from Mexico to Wichita, Kansas

Nydia is a first grade teacher in the Wichita area and her parents are from Mexico. Before the strict regulation of the U.S.-Mexico border, she remembers that her family used to go to Mexico more frequently. Nydia speaks about the prevalence of community and how the same sense of knowing one another is not as common in the U.S. Her advice for the younger generation is to find out where their families came from.

Marta Caminero-Santangelo

Late 1900s

Wichita, Kansas

Nydia (N)
Aron (A)

N: So my name is Maria Vasquez. I was born and raised here in Wichita, Kansas. I am 23 years old and what I do here is, I'm a teacher–I'm a first grade teacher.

N: I've lived here my whole life.

N: My family, both my parents are from Trancoso Zacatecas, Mexico and they've been here for, I would say a little over 25 years. I am one of three siblings.

N: So with that being said, a little background information about my family to get started. My parents moved here on and off back-and-forth. When they were about dad was probably about 25. Mom was 18. They were married. They got married, came over here.

N: We already had family here in Wichita, so it was just common sense to move somewhere where we have family and where things were kind of familiar.

N: After that, they started their family. We were all born and raised here.

N: There were a couple of times when I was young, probably one or two where they went back a couple of times. And then after they had my youngest sister in 2001, they stayed here permanently after that.

N: There was no more going back-and-forth.

N: Things got a little bit harder for them to be traveling across the border and coming back. So they decided that the safest thing to do was to just stay after my youngest was born, my youngest siblings.

N: So with that being said, the only thing that we had experienced per se was just the traditions and the culture that they brought back. They brought here from Mexico. That could be, you know, just how we celebrate certain holidays.
N: We are Catholic twos. So having that into our traditions as well as holidays, I had a lot to do with what we saw about our culture.

N: We didn't really know anything else because the only thing we got close to home to Mexico was probably just stories and my older sister was my oldest sister was the one that would probably I think she traveled about three times back-and-forth on her own because she could and she brought back a lot more to me and my youngest sister.

N: But that being said, I think when I was around ten, so 13 years ago, actually, not ten. When I was ten years old, my older sister was about 14, 15 [years old]. We decided to go to Mexico.

N: Just her and I.

N: I had been to Mexico, but that was at one or two, so it wasn't enough for me to remember anything. So we decided to go on this trip for the whole entire summer and the only perspective
that they kept giving me was, you know, there's–there's no showers over there like there is, but it's very different in me living here all my life and having access to all these things.

N: We were just I was just kinda like questioning. Well, what do you mean? It's kinda different?

N: You know, my mom was just preparing me like, Hey, when you go down there, it's very different to the way that we live here. So don't be shocked, don't act a certain way.

N: Just appreciate the small things and appreciate try to soak everything in and appreciate that
because that's where we all came from. That's where your dad and I came from and that's that's all we know.

N: Aside from living here.

N: And I was like, why was ten, you know, it wasn't just like it wasn't something that really stuck to me. Her words didn't really stick with me.

N: It was just a vacation to me.

N: And she kept warning me, you know, there's a lot of things that you may see down there
that you'll probably find a little shocking. But don't let it affect you in any way. Don't, don't react in a bad way. It's all good things.

N: So me being ten, I went it was the first time I had traveled that far in a couple of years enough to remember.

N: And I remember as soon as we got there, we went by bus. We didn't go by airplane or anything like that. We we went on a bus and I think it hit me when I started seeing like the
houses and how they were shaped differently. They were made of different material.

N: They looked very small.

N: I think that's when I was like, we went from city and we went from Texas to complete nothing like desert. We were in Juarez and we hadn't gotten there just yet, but it was just dead. Everything was dead.

N: There was nothing there and that's when it hit me where I like. This is probably what I was being warned about.

N: This doesn't look like home at all.

N: And then the people that you would see on the outside, they were just they were just I guess you would say they were dressed differently.

N: And eventually we got to where we're from. And I remember like seeing my family there. And mind you they had met me but I obviously didn't remember. So it was all my family all my mom's side of the families over there.

N: And she's only one that came from her family, from her side of the family. So they were very welcoming. They were very happy. They were hugging and they were kissing cousin on each other.

N: And just it was just very odd to me because one I never remembered them too. They all look like my mom. They were just like there's like eight of them that look the same.

N: Everything was different as soon as I got off the bus.

N: Like the smell was different, the environment, the people.

N: And we stayed there for two months.

N: So in that two month period, I understood what my mom was saying. Like things are very different in what she meant by that was her family over there isn't wealthy by any means. I mean, to shower, we have to heat up a pot full of water and then just go back and forth until the whole big tub is filled. Um, that's how you shower.

N: And it's unlike this room. It's not like a bathroom. The toilets aren't flushable over there.
So you have to go to the restroom and like this bin and take care of that and it's in the same room.

N: So it was very different.

N: I would've never thought I would have to do that in my life. And I figured like, Oh, in my brain before I went, it was like, yeah, things are gonna be different obviously, you know. But not to that extent.

N: So as soon as I was seeing hello. This part of the house doesn't have a roof. This part of the house doesn't have doors, that doesn't have there's no privacy.

N: That's when it was like I think I started to realize why my parents raised us in that way. In a way of appreciating what you have, not thinking that, you know by any means that we have the best of the best. Learning how to save [money]. Learning how to be kind. All of those things that were taught.

N: That's when I started to really think like I was ten.

N: So it really hit me like, this is why they taught us kindness. This is why they taught us how
to appreciate the hard work. This is why they taught us that education is so important. Because in the US, like you are, if you don't go to college, you can still be somebody.

N: But education is like the top thing.

N: It's full of opportunities.

N: And I think that's when I realized that this is why they left.

N: They didn't want us living in these environments which are totally doable, obviously because there's still that way.

N: But now it's like now I understand why they sacrificed, leaving and sacrifice traveling. Like so far.

N: And, you know, back then, I knew, I knew that my parents had done that and I knew the sacrifices, and I knew what that meant and all of that, but I didn't truly understand it until I was able to see all of that.

N: So, you know, it's it's the small things. On Sundays we would go out to the street and it's called is the tianguis. That's what it's called. The tinaguis is where all the community gathers together and there's just small businesses. People sell handmade bracelets, handmade curses, shoes, movies, things like that. Really.

N: It's almost like a little it's like a thrift store, but all of these handmade items, and you gather every Sunday and you can shop and you can just interact with the community. Everybody sets up their tents, everybody sets up everything. And you just navigate your way through these
tiny little stores, through the streets.

N: And it was so welcoming.

N: And that's not something that you see here.

N: You can go to you can go to the mall and there's a bunch of stores, but it's not the community gathering together and actually socializing. And that was what stood out to me. That was one of the things that stood out to me the most.

N: And I think it's because you don't, you don't see that over here in the United States, like you see, there's gatherings and stuff like that, but it's not It's not as meaningful. And it's that Trancoso is a very, very small town. Very small.

N: Everybody knows everybody.

N: I mean, as soon as I stepped out of the bus, they were like, Are you Estela’s daughter? Oh my gosh. She looked like Estela when she left here. And so that's how you know, that everybody just knows everybody.

N: And as I was walking to the store, you know, getting to go get milk or something with my grandma. They'd be like “Is that your daughter? Is that your daughter's daughter? The one that's up north?” My grandma would say, “Well, yeah, this is Nydia yeah, this is this Estela’s daughter, the one that's up north.

N: And that's what they say is what they call it over here. And I would just just the way that
they they talked about over here.
N: I feel like people in Mexico. My family has an idea that is so big and great over here. Yes, it's like the land of opportunity, but I feel like they have a misinterpretation of how things are over here.

N: And I feel like we have a misinterpretations and we were so busy living our life here and keep going forward that we tend to forget about the small things. So it's kinda like flipped.

N: And what I mean by that is that when I got talking to them about how things are over here, they were like, wow, you have money, you know, your in the US like that's awesome. You have everything that you could ever want.

N: And I was like, well, no, it's very different. It's hard work. Yes. It looks better if that's
what you're trying to get at. You know, there's big buildings and there's, you know, depending on where you live.

N: But I was like, It does look very different. The houses look very different. The way of life is very different.

N: And they just thought that one of my cousins said, just to put it in the simplest way, the way that they see it over here is that it is a perfect life, like perfection.

N: When it comes to jobs, when it comes to families, when it comes to money when it comes to anything that you could possibly think of. They think that the world over here is just perfect, that there's no stress, no struggle.

N: And that's when it hit me.

N: And I was like, well, we didn't come from a wealthy family, obviously. We do have a roof over our heads. We don't have to worry about anything financially, thankfully. But it comes with hard work.

N: And I think that that moment when I went I was over there. It just made me realize why people move all the way over here.

N: We said yeah, sorry, give me a second.

N: Okay.

N: Okay. So I was saying sorry about that.

A: No worries.

N: It changed my perspective on everything. It kinda made me appreciate a little bit more about the sacrifices that they did. They made for us to be here. The life over there.

N: I enjoyed it because it was just kind of like a pause in my life of a moment of realization. Because I feel like over here it's go, go, go.

N: It never stops. You wake up, you go to work, or you go to school. You go on about your day every single day, Monday through Friday. On the weekends. It's supposed to be a break day for people. It's family time.

N: And I feel like that's just the way that it is already here. For most people is just you either work, you go to school, or you have to be doing something for your life to keep going, to keep moving over there.

N: It was a pause because they don't work all the time because there's not that many jobs over there. They have to find ways to get money by doing the smallest things. Cleaning windows, like stop standing outside of a gas station and just cleaning the windows for people just to get a couple of cents.

N: Anything that you can think of they make into a small business. And I mean, over there it's different. You don't have to go through the you don't have to go through anything to make it a business.

N: You just do your thing, you create things, and you sell it just to just to live.

N: I think that was a pause in my life of this is nice because I don't feel like my life is just go, go, go over here. You get to spend time with family. And it wasn't even just “Oh, she's ten.” It was a summertime. It was a vacation. She's she's having fun obviously.

N: It was that Is this life? Every single day?

N: They–the kids, some of them don't even go to school because they don't have the money, they don't have the money to buy what they need supplies, so they quit and they could be as young as five. They could never go to school at all. That's just the way life is over there.

N: And there's people that work their butts off over there. And time passes. And they're still not doing the best that they can.

N: They're doing the best that they can, but their dream of like trying to grow and save it so hard to do. You can't really save over there.

N: That's and that's what I realized.

N: And that's when, you know, light bulb went off and it was kind of like this is why they came here. Because that life as great as it was during that time, it's not the best.

N: It's not it's manageable because they have to live. They have to find the greatness in it.

N: But you grow up and you're not, you're almost like not a, not a person. You don't feel success. You don't feel like you've done anything over there.

N: And I think that's what they were trying to make us feel. Try to be successful and try
to feel that within ourselves. And that's, that's the whole reason that they moved here.

N: You know, it's the land of opportunity, yes. But for a person that has moved here from Mexico with absolutely nothing because they came with no clothes, no nothing. You know, not just what they had on.

N: And to start from literally nothing.

N: I think that's that's what I like to say when I tell people like, where did you come from, you know, where, you know, people are always confused. [They ask] Like are you Mexican? Were you born here? Like where are you from? And it's like, yeah, I was born and raised here.

N: But that–that's not just who I am.

N: I'm not like I'm not just any other American over here. Your typical American that lives over here. It's there's more to me than that.

N: And even if I wasn't born in Mexico, I think that that trip made me think of like something
bigger, the bigger picture. And they came for our education. They came to have a better home.

N: They came because they did not like the way that people ended up over there. And they didn't want us having that vision of what it's like to be up north.

N: Like all the other kids that I was talking to were talking to me, you know, like, “Oh wow, How's it up north? Like what are their flies over there? Is it dirty over there?”

N: Is it like, what do you guys do for fun, or what what kinds of things? What does your school look like?

N: Do you guys have desks because we don't have all of that. And just talking to people my
age over there at that time I was like, wow. The fact that That's their perspective on like a whole different place.

N: It's almost like they're talking about a different planet.

N: That's what it seemed like to me, but it wasn't it. I feel like my parents didn't want us asking those questions. I feel like they wanted us to know everything that we could possibly know about our culture and where they came from as well as how we are going to be growing up. And that's the thing.

N: I feel like those conversations always happen throughout our childhood and even now at 23. I don't I feel like since I haven't been to Mexico since then.

N: So I think that that was definitely life-changing in a sense where I'm a mom now.

N: And, you know, it's funny because the things that my parents used to say to me, like appreciate the little things you know, you need to be raised with kindness.

N: Like that's what I want for my son, is to have those opportunities to be a good person and
appreciate those little things. And hopefully one day I'll be able to take them just so he can have that moment too.

N: Because it's it's hard growing up with parents who came here and were never able to go back. It's hard. It's it's probably if I could have one wish, it's for them to be able to go back to that moment. And it's hard because a lot of people don't understand that unless they've experienced it themselves.

N: So my son will never get to experience like, you know, being born over there or anything like that. But I think that's what's important is to carry those things in those experiences and talk about them in order for younger generations to understand.

N: Just like they did to me. Like they talked about all the sacrifices that talked about their life and and all that they did for us. And it didn't mean anything until you see where they came from and you live there for two months?

N: And the only thing that I would go through my head that summer was my mom's comment of “Don't react a certain way. Don't behave as if you came from something bigger. Because although you were born here in the United States, we didn't raise you to act like you have it all.”

N: Because there were people when they came here that judge them that they didn't speak any English. So that's why it was very important for them to teach us Spanish and to teach us all about and to teach us about our culture and where we came from.

N: And as much as they could talk and on and on and on about it. You don't get it unless you live
that life even for just a moment.

N: So my goal is to talk about my father's life and my mom's life and share that with my son and share what I experienced at just ten years old with him.

N: And I think that's important because that is the true meaning of where you came from. You know, you didn't just come from, you can say that two came from a place all you want, but it's not it's not exactly who you are.

N: And that's, I think that's probably the most important thing to me is it's families. So now I want to work hard and I want to experience all these things and I want to teach my son about how to be a hard worker, how to do his own thing, how to interact with others, and how to respect people who don't have all of that.

N: So then coming back after our trip and coming back, I like I noticed I did things differently.

N: Like I would turn off the water and not let it run for such a long time anymore. Or I would turn off the lights if nobody was using them or I would if we if we went to the store, I would just I would tell my mom like, oh, you know what? I don't want anything. That's time. I don't need new shoes. I have the ones I've had for such a long time. I'll just use those.

N: I felt like I was I came back a whole different person in terms of like saving money and learning to appreciate what I do already have not being so needy.

N: And I think I started to ask my parents a little bit more like how was work or where I could see it that they were tired and I would do something around the house for them. It's it's it's coming from there that I feel like if I hadn't gone on that trip, I would have never gone later on.
N: I think I was meant to go. So I could see exactly why they came over here.

N: And it looks the same as how they left it because nothing changes over there. Nothing really ever does. So it was life changing. It was a great experience.

N: I feel like I'm a much kinder person.

N: Obviously, it's been 13 years and you grow a lot during that time. But I feel as if if I hadn't gone, I'd probably just be not as appreciative of all of those things. I wouldn't find those things meaningful.

N: I would just kind of throw them off to the side and say, Hey, you know what? This is, where I am. I came from, you know, I've never been, but that's just all I know.

N: And I think it's important to actually go to those places to see and to, to bring something back. Not to just yourself but to other people.

N: So now people ask me, like where are you from and all this stuff.

N: And I could go on for days about all of that.

N: But it's like I'm proud to be Mexican and I'm proud to speak Spanish, and I'm proud to talk about my culture and I'm proud to talk about my parents hardships because that's that's who I am.

N: It's not just about me, it's about all the people and all the factors that came in together to raise me, to build me

N: You know, I am like my dad. I am my mom. I am that I’m Trancoso and everything
that has to do with that place, that that's who I am.

N: And I don't know. I think I think that's what's the most important thing for me, is just knowing all that and soaking it in. So after coming back and to this day, I'm still very picky about like certain things, you know, like if you're not going to use the water, then turn it off or if you're not going to be in that room, turn the lights off.

N: Like it takes a lot of work to get to where you are. I definitely have much more respect for my parents. They still haven't stopped working. My mom is 47 and my dad's 53. So they're still going.

N: Things are very different for them here. They don't get to just retire and get money after they don't. They have to save and they've been saving since they came here just to prepare for
anything that were to happen.

N: So the fact that they're still working, it just shows that that's what they came here for. You know what I mean?

N: They want to leave us something and just be prepared for anything that has to come so we can get into the details about that. You know, when whenever they if they decide to speak a lot about, about their life.

N: But yes, That is, that is my story.

A: Thank you so much for sharing that I mean, I can tell from sharing that story that this was a really formative and an important experience in your life. And when as you say, where you learned a lot about where you came from, and most importantly about how much you learned about yourself, right?

A: And I'm very happy that you are able to have that experience. Because as you say, not everyone gets to have that kind of experience. So that's very fortunate for you.

A: And one of the things that I'm kind of curious a little bit about. You mentioned that what you mentioned wanting to take your son, hopefully someone day back to Mexico and in a way so that he can kinda see that unexperienced that for himself. I'm kind of curious if there are any differences in terms of how you are raising your son now versus how your parents raised you? Just trying to because he's going to have a little bit of a, he's going to have a little bit more about detachment, right? Compared to you.

A: And so as you as you kind of started off your story, you talked about how much your
mother was trying to prepare you, going back to how that experience and what that what that would mean. So what is the kind of preparation that you think that you would give your son before heading back? Like, what how would you prepare him to be there to experience and what would you hope that he would get from that?

N: I think. I mean, you could always see no, anybody can always just wait until somebody's order to understand. But I feel like my parents started telling us. My parents were very honest with me about their lives at a very young age.

N: And I think it was two. Prepare me. Not just in case I visited, it's just to prepare me for the conversations that I would one day be having with people. Because people do ask people.

N: I think I remember as young as like first grade people would ask me like, why was why, like why I was a little bit tan or why? Like if I was born here, if I was from a different place and I think that they did that to prepare us for those conversations.

N: And I didn't think that was like, Well, I would just tell people what we got. Like I was born here. What are you talking about? But you're just so young.

N: But I think that they were very honest and upfront and they didn't wait until we were older to understand, just so we wouldn't be able to be prepared for any of those questions at any age or comments.

N: So what I would do is is just that is, you know, just be 100% honest with him and what kind of things he may run into. So young at school, what kind of things people ask at school.

N: And I think that's the meaning of conversation in those experiences because I feel like we have to do we have to have more conversations, not just with me and my son about all of this, but I feel like in general, people need to be a little bit more informed and exposed to those experiences, even if it's just conversation to truly understand.

N: So I think what he would get the most out of that is definitely I feel like he would experience
the same things because even if I was to raise them to be kind and respectful and all that good stuff.

N: I feel like it would be the same thing. Like hopefully he's like, great and just very respectful and it's hope, hopefully understanding everything that word is to say in conversation. Your grandpa, he came here with Grandma and all this stuff.

N: But until somebody actually goes, you fully wrap your head around it. And for me it was that's why she would say those things or that's why she would warn me about about these things.

N: I feel like all I could give him now is photographs or conversations and experiences and talk about those things as a family. And hopefully he's old enough to where my dad could even tell them about those things.

N: And it come from direct person who actually came here. Instead of just having to hear from somebody who was born and raised here. It's very different.

N: And I think that's why it's these types of conversations or interviews are important because you get a glimpse of somebody's authentic life and who they truly are.

N: So hopefully it's not me having to do all of those conversations. Hopefully it's between him
and my dad or him and my mom. Hopefully. We're in that that time with them too. If he ever has any questions, it's coming from somebody who experienced that themselves versus just me. So I think that's key to just keep having those conversations, those stories, keep telling them.

A: My last question for you is, I mean, I think one of the things that you talked about him in his interviewer and the various conversations that you've had with your family with them just kind of asking you what was it like in the North and vice versa. Just stories that you were told, what life was like there.

A: And so I'm kind of curious. Have you had a conversation with your parents about how important or how pivotal this trip was when you were ten? And if not, or if even if so, I'm just kinda wondering, what do you feel you wish to older generations or younger generations, the ones that are coming? What do you, what do you hope that they would know about your experience that is important and how you identify yourself?

A: I mean, like I said, I'm kind of curious to know how much your parents, how much they know how influential this moment was. He said something that you've talked about?

N: Oh, for sure. I think as soon as we got here, I mean, I started to tell him like: Oh, we went to this place and we went to, we went to the tianguis on Sunday and my tías gave me a Domingo and all this stuff like the smile on their faces was just was That's how, you know, you know, like they were they were like, Oh, well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

N: Like, I feel like we couldn't have those conversations prior about those specific places and us visiting places that they've been two or 0 like we went to. La Esquina Blanca, which is in English, it's the white corner.

N: But it's like this corner where a bunch of people hang out and they have smoothies and stuff like that. And just and I'd be like, Oh, we went to this place and they were like, Oh my gosh, they still call it that.

N: And they, you know, I think we were finally able to have these conversations comfortably
to where I truly understand like, oh, I feel like we became closer as a family because even now,
she's like “Do you remember when you were ten? This this lady that you go up a little
bit and then it's next to the blue house?”, like it, That's how small it was, the town.
N: So I think as soon as I was talking to them about all the things I got to do, all the places, all the things that I saw, they just smile the whole time and I feel like they just were grateful that I went in. I truly saw things for myself.

N: And what I would, what I would probably like my best advice to younger generations and older generations? It is for older generations to not stop talking about those things. You know, to just truly find out where your family came from.

N: Like if you were born here like me and have no knowledge of anything, I think the best thing that they could do for themselves to truly find out who they are and where they came from, is to start from the root to either go there, ask about it, do research, talk to their older generation if possible.

N: Because that was very influential.

N: And I know, I know that. I'm not the only one that has, you know, has done that. But me and unknowingly going on vacation for two months.

N: But I feel like more people need to start doing research or asking questions to get to the root of that. And for older generations to not, not stop that conversation from happening. If anything. Teach them and share all of those experiences.

N: Because it is important for people to know where they came from. Otherwise, you don't know, that's a part of you.

N: You can say, like I did at the beginning, I'm a teacher. I was born and raised here and that's it.
You don't want to. Although people are okay with just saying that like there's just more to it than that.

N: There's a reason why family is a certain way or family does certain things. I could start a tradition and it could start with me.

N: But everything that we were taught came from somewhere. So I think that's important to keep, keep doing that, keep having those conversations and sharing them.

Aron Muci

Nydia

English, some Spanish

Video

Trancoso, Mexico

Wichita, Kansas